do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
