My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
