im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
