So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
