If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
