he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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