that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
