after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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