my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
pop tarts are not kleenex
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
