She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
