I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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