I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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