Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
