Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
