Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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