He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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