if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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