and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
