I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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