I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
