Three words: puerto rican gang bang
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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