So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
