Moan for me like Helen Keller
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
