dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
