from now on my penis is your penis
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
