It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
