i don't plan on having that self control this summer
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
