so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
