Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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