I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
