just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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