Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
