Screwed.edu
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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