he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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