It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
