I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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