my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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