Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
