but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
