dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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