tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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