can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
