So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
