If that was your dad, he is hot
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
