My liver just broke up with me...
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
