Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
We were destined to go to rehab together
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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