I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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