; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Randomize
