It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
She has the best kind of daddy issues
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
