I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
